Thursday, October 23, 2008

Racoons, bless their little hearts.

Ive always heard the saying bless their little hearts in the same sentence as something that could be considered... really pretty harsh. I figure if I bless their hearts I can go hunt them down and after I'm done with those suckers they will be a nice little rug in front of my fireplace.

So my lovey night started actually REALLY nice. My sister in law was so sweet and watched Baby Blue all afternoon and I got in a nice long nap. Mchottie came home and has the same cold I do, only its worse, its a man cold. Nooooo not the dreaded man cold. On my way out the door to pick up my baby he asks me if I could bring back St Louis Bread Company soup for dinner. Since that sounded really good to me I decided on my way back from picking up Baby Blue and before church I would swing by the house with his dinner. Baby Blue had other plans. He was so worn out he decided it was dinner time and bed time. When we finally got back to the house I was feeling lazy and thought Baby Blue could just have a liquid dinner instead of sitting him in the highchair and trying to feed him when he was tired. Baby Blue doesnt eat really well when hes tired so I didn't want to exert that much effort for a small jar of baby food. A small jar of baby food isn't REALLY necessary is it? Nahhhhh. So after a quick bath and a huge Hugo size bottle Baby Blue was OUT. So was McHottie. It was to late to go so no church for me Ill just settle in and watch my shows.
2 hours later Baby Blue wakes up and he is super pissed. Wait. Those are bottle cries. hmmmmmm Ok This is where I should have stuck him in his highchair and gotten some sweet potato's down him. Nahhhh Then Ill miss Stylista and that is looking really good. I was pretty sure boobies girl was gonna make a huge scene about covering up her big boobies and snob girl was gonna get attacked by anyone in the house. So I made another bottle and we cuddled up on the couch for the kind of lame ending. We both went to bed and it felt like as soon as I had fallen asleep there were more bottle cries. Angrier this time. wow. I need to hire a nighttime nanny. One bottle and 20 min later I was in bed for the rest of the night. Or not. Do I even need to tell you what happened at 4 am. Same story, differant time, tireder mama. I went back to bed telling McHottie that if I ever decided to skip that tiny jar of baby food again remind me how good sleep feels.
His alarm went off at 6 : 30 and I really did lay there and think about not getting up. It sounded so good. But since he was sick the night before and I was lazy no one took the trash to the curb. So if I wanted the diapers out of my house I had to get up. I packed his lunch and breakfast and was hauling the trash downstairs as he was leaving the front door. We were yelling our goodbyes and I love yous across the house. Well he was, I was squeaking them. Sometime in the middle of the night my cold settled into my chest and If I raise my voice above a whisper I sound like a prepubescent boy. I could hear him pulling out of the driveway as the garage door opened. Im standing there with a diaper pail in one hand and the kitchen trash in the other and the driveway is covered and I mean COVERED in a weeks worth of trash. Mchottie put the cans outside the garage and since they had really tight snap lids on them we figured it would be fine so there was more room in the garage for me to pull the car in easier. Im not the greatest at pulling into the garage. These apparently were ninja raccoons. That or the smell of old popcorn bags were like crack to them and gave them powers. Who knows. I was yelling very bad words and loosing it outside, ok maybe not yelling. I sounded allot more like a marine mouseketeer then anything. Did I mention its really, really, REALLY cold outside? I'm not going to tell you the details of the trash but by the time I hauled all the full cans to the top of the driveway I had trash under my fingernails. Gross, icky, week old trash. I called McHottie after washing my hands 3 times and he said he didn't see the mess when he left or he would have helped me. Now we know not to leave the trash outside the garage. Or to eat coleslaw ever again. either one.
Its 7 :30 and I'm going to go make some sickeningly rich hot chocolate for breakfast and take a steam shower in hopes my voice comes back while I try to figure out how to go get groceries without leaving the house.

Oh and if I ever see a raccoon again its ON.


HolyMama! said...

ooooh. you had me at the cole slaw. sympathy gagging.

y'all are a ridiculously beautiful family. have more kids. BB is so gorgeous!


Mrs. Nichole Jordan said...


I left a comment the other day on the post but I must not of let it go all the way thru when I exited it.. lol woops!

I was sayin ditto to HolyMama you need more kids! hahahah

rkamin said...

i wanna start a blog.

tell me how!