Sunday, January 16, 2011

Part 1. what, my spine isnt suppose to look like that??

I am a private person and don't like to talk publicly about all the fun my body has in acting out. If you ask me I will tell you I'm fine and the recovery is no big deal, mostly because I don't want to start talking about it and end up whining or freak people out when I say I get anxiety thinking about a screw working itself loose and jabbing a new hole in me. I'm already covered in scars and when I try to wrap my mind around the magnitude of what I have been through and am going through I mentally freak out. Its not pretty and its definitely not something I want a lot of people to see. Me loose my shit over things that I cannot change and cannot control.

I never have understood the people who invent medical drama for themselves or make up symptoms and problems just to get attention. I would give a lot to be a normal 24 year old and have not experienced surgery. Let alone 5 of them already. Don't get me wrong there are many far, far worse things to have and those of you who genuinely suffer from very real medical problems my heart goes out to you. The medical problem inventors? bugger off and get a life.

I meant to write on here every day post op and keep a journal like entry to look back on after it was all said and done. Painkillers though? They are fun and they will kick your butt. Or rather I should say painkillers in self pump Iv form, pill form, along with huge doses of Valium to keep my muscles relaxed. Not to mention the benedryll I was taking for the allergic reaction to some of the painkillers I didn't know I was allergic to. I spent 4 1/2 days in the hospital recovering from surgery and I spent a good chuck of that time high as a kite, drooling, and chatting with people only I could see.

I have scolosis. Or rather I should say I had it and as a result had a spinal fusion. Scoliosis was painful, embarrassing, and a pain in the ass to have. I was diagnosed with idiopathic scoliosis at 16 and at the time it was pretty minimal. My spine was curving three ways, a top curve (thoracic) and bottom curve (lumbar) which made my spine look like a giant S drawn by a kinder gardener first learning to write. I was lopsided with a fun third curve with the entire spine twisting in one direction. This pushed my ribs in on one side and curved out on the other forming what my husband lovingly later would refer to as my hump. My parents opted to have my new found deformity monitored as I grew and see how fast it would progress. At 18 it was decided I was borderline surgical but since my hip bones had fused (meaning I was done growing) chances were that it would not get any worse. I was pretty much told go live my life like a normal human, this is as bad as it will get. Ha. What I didnt know was idopatic meant they have no idea what caused it, no idea how bad it will get, or when it will decide to rear its ugly head and jack my back up some more.

Fast forward 5ish years and 1 pregnancy later I was having nasty back pain every single night. I was use to daily back pain just caused by scoliosis but this was different. I was popping Ibuprofen like they were m&ms and started visiting a small town chiropractor to get some relief from what I thought was back pain mostly caused by hauling around a cute chunky baby and new owner of some chunky fat rolls on myself thanks to very cute baby. Every appointment I would leave and be in pain for hours and not really see a lot of progress toward what I felt like was normal scoliosis back pain. My neighbor recommended I see the same chiropractor he saw for his back injury and I made an appointment. I went in but this chiropractor wouldn't touch my back until I got xrayed. So I had them done and I made an appointment for the following evening to get my back cracked, I was pretty desperate. It will be awhile before I forget how it felt to see those new xrays up on the screen that next evening. I broke down and had a good ugly cry right there in the office. I knew just by looking at those cold black and white pictures that my back deformity had gotten much, much worse. They tried to convince me that I could reduce the curve by 1/3 just by visiting their office for traction and therapy 2-4 times a week for 6 months and then once a week for the rest of my life. My eyes glazed over as I was trying to do the math in my sleep deprived brain. I could not picture myself spending a huge chunk of my time in a doctors office hoping that my back was flexible enough to make reducing the curve possible. What about when I got old and my bones didn't want to move anymore. I knew that once scoliosis got to the degree I was at gravity started to help it along. I wasn't in the - it shouldn't move anymore category. I had moved on to the territory of - we have no idea when or how much this could move but we can promise you it will. Not to mention all the anxiety I would have worrying about my back slapping on a few more degrees just for the hell of it, I felt like my body had a sick sense of humor and there was no way of knowing where this would go. Getting pregnant again was out of the picture unless the curve was greatly reduced.

Like any normal person I spent hours and hours consulting Dr Google. I did my research and knew what I needed to do and I knew what Doctor I needed to perform it. We lived 30 minutes from a Doctor that specialized in fixing severe spinal deformities. Dr L is one of the best in the world in his field, people fly from all over the WORLD to see him, observe his work, meet him, have him slice their back open and perform miracles. This was just not another hernia surgery that could be trusted to most any Doctor with a license. This was my spine we were talking about. I had to get into see him and that's all there was to it.

Stay tuned for Part 2 where I meet the amazing Doctor L, my jacked up spine is finally made to behave, and recovery conversations with people who didn't actually visit me.


rebekah perez said...

part 2, part 2!
you should blog more often!
new years resolution? :P

oH and post your xray pics.